Writing Clever Stuff on Substack

or, the art of sounding wise and learned!

So here I am on substack, courtesy of Natasha Badhwar and her wonderful writing. Wait, let me back up just a bit. I’m here because I heard Natasha’s wonderful marathon six hour plus conversation with Amit Varma on his The Seen and the Unseen podcast, and I was completely taken by the authenticity, openness and candidness in her conversation. I then googled her books, and found my way to her stack, and to substack in general, and I figured, let me also write!

But as I write, I realise that I must write something clever and wise. I’m 56, with white hair, and I’m an executive coach, so I’m supposed to spout wisdom. The world expects it of me. And I’m not one to let people down.

So what should I write about? One thing I can do is to give advice. Like all my fellow countrymen, I love giving advice- its good for the ego! But who to give advice to, and about what?

It’s coming up to board-time, so I suppose I could give advice to young people as they study for their board exams. And what’s makes me qualified for this, you ask? Why, I’ve been through the board exams myself, and hamare zamane mein, they were much tougher than they are today! So there! But what advice will I give? Don’t stress too much about your Class 12 boards because even if you muck those up you can still do well in life (ask me, I know!) I’ve tried doing this, and while it seems to go down well with my target audience, their parents seem to get a bit upset, and their body language seems to indicate that I should remove myself from the scene. I wonder why…

Leaving this aside for a minute, I suppose I could give advice to young people about life in general, but then again... My limited experiments with trying to impart wisdom to my young adult children usually end either in them rolling their eyes or asking me to stop giving them what they call ‘life lessons’! Not very wise and clever, that!

I could give advice to young people about marriage and staying married. I’ve been married now for 30 years, so I guess I have some wisdom to impart there. But then again I wonder- have I stayed married to the same person for so long because I’ve done something or because I’ve done nothing? And if it’s nothing, that’s not much wisdom is it? Better to leave newly married people to cope on their own.

Maybe I can move on and give advice to fathers-to-be about how to participate meaningfully in an event where you have nothing to contribute beyond the initial starter. On how to look knowledgeable in the gynecologist’s office when you haven’t the faintest of what your partner is going through, or on how to feel a little more useful when your wife is in the throes of labour! On reflection, maybe I need more advice than I can give here. Not that I need it now, but you never know!

Where else can I give advice? Ah yes, on parenting. I am the proud father of two fine young people who are an asset to society, so I certainly can tell everyone a thing or two here. But again the tentacles of self-doubt are creeping over me. What if you’re the kind of person who wants your children to only be seen, not heard? What if you’re the kind who thinks that engineering for boys and medicine for girls is far more appropriate than blue and pink? What if you’re the kind for whom successful parenting is about getting your children ‘settled’- boys in a good tech job in America, and girls married off and the ‘liability’ off your shoulders, thank you very much! I’m afraid if you're this type, I have nothing to offer you. My children are very vocal- especially in telling me what i can do better. They are both looking to make careers outside of engineering and medicine. I don’t know if and when my children will ever be ‘settled’- my daughter chaffs at the very mention of domesticity, and my son doesn’t even study in America!

I’m sure there’s something I can give useful advice on. But what can that be? I can tell people how to fake it in conversations with strangers at weddings where the men and women are separated and you have to indulge in ‘manly talks’ around property, the stock market, and the general decadence amongst today’s youth. But of what use is that?

I can also give useful advice on how to conduct a warm conversation with someone from your past who you’ve met after years, and who you don’t remember at all, but who remembers every detail of your life. I can even tell you how to conduct yourself when that person asks you to guess their name!

I can tell you which strategic questions to ask to find out this person’s name, which part of your life they belong to, and to piece together enough to remove all embarrassment. But again, do people want to hear this?

Maybe it’s best to keep quiet and not give advice. Let people draw their own conclusions about the wisdom I hold. Let the white hair do its job- much the way it gets me a seat in the Metro even though I’m not a senior citizen yet! Maybe I’ll nod appropriately and make the right noises as I let people talk and give advice to themselves. I’ve been doing this for a living for a while now, and it seems to be working quite well!